Friday, September 7, 2007

What did you hear?

“But Mummy it’s Jacob” I said, screaming this time to get her attention.

“Which Jacob ?” she said

“Jacob Jacob”

“Jacob? Oh, our Jacob but Why didn’t you tell her that you were talking about Jacob?”

“Frankly mummy, it is not of her business who I was talking about and besides I was not talking to her, she was eavesdropping. You know it is one the things I detest. Why is she reporting me to you anyway? I am a grown up woman. I need to go”

“Are you now angry with me? I am doing my duty as a mother. If I hear something not pleasing, it is my right to ask you. And aunty did not do anything wrong, she is looking out for you that is how we do at home.

“Mom you did not ask me, you accused me”

“ok sorry.”

“Mom I need to go. Will talk to you later”

That was how the phone conversation ended with my Mom. To say I was upset is an understatement. I was fuming. It all started last week Sunday in church

I need to clean the bathroom, run the dishwasher, which means I have to stop to get the detergent... ah, the laundry. Gosh! I also have to cook. I will do it after I sleep. Men, I am so tried.

“Halleluiah… Glory... Thank you Jesus”

My mind was transmitted back to church. Apparently, I had been thinking about all I had to do instead of listening to the sermon.

“… We need to break negative mind set, just because your parents are drunkards doesn’t mean you are going to be one. We need to talk about generational curses too….” My pastor was saying.

“Preach it pastor” my cousin was jumping and clapping.

I looked at her and I wished I had the energy to listen wholeheartedly. From the looks of it, it sounded like a very good sermon. But I had a sleepless night and coming to the early service was proving to a “not so great” idea.

“… face your neighbor and tell them, Neighbor, oh neighbor, the devil is not going to steal this mind because it belongs to God...” my pastor commanded

My cousin Tolani and I faced each other and repeated the same words. “… Say it like you mean it...” came the voice from the pulpit

Tolani repeated it this time but I said nothing. She raised her eyebrow, a gesture to ask what was wrong with me. I shrugged then wrote at the back of my sermon notes “Jacob slept over at my place last night”.

So? Came her reply

“I allowed him to sleep on my bed last night.”

“You shouldn’t have done that… You of all people…”

“I know right? But what is done is done. I will not repeat the mistake again. Can you believe he held on to me the whole night?”

She smiled and opened her bible. I knew more questions will be asked because she knew I was not like that with Jacob. After the sermon, Tolani had to run downstairs because her mother-in-law attended the same church with us and she had to go and show “face and mark attendance record”. I decided to go wait for her downstairs. On my way to where Tolani in-laws stood and conversed, I meet an aunty that is a friend of my mom. Her name is Aunty Laide. I greeted her and we made general conversation about how life is treating everybody in both our family. While I was talking to aunty Laide, my cousin came to join us.

We excused ourselves and said bye to aunty laide. Two pews down from aunty Laide, Ore, Tolani’s baby started to cry. We thought it was wise to feed him there and then before they begin their long journey home. We sat down and continued the story of Jacob.

“So? You finally gave in eh? Allied I always thought you were strong, but I can’t believe after all your shakara, Jacob still managed to sleep with you.” My cousin said

“WO, (look) I don’t even know how the boy did it, one minute we were watching TV, the next minute I dosed off. I woke to up to his silent tears. I asked what was wrong, but he gave me more tears. I was tired, so I just held his hands and led him to my bedroom and he slept, holding on to me.”

“Eya... I wonder what was wrong with him. Where is he now? How come he didn’t come to church with you?”

“Folarin came to pick him up this morning” I answered.

“Don’t tell Folarin because she wouldn’t allow him at your house again...”

“Point noted. Abeg, I need to go, I have a lot of things pending... I will call you later. Bye.”


Monday Morning, my phone rang and my Mom was “bringing the house down” on the other line.

“Allied, eh, what is this I am hearing? Men are sleeping at your house? In your bedroom? ah.. Is this what you do because you have your own place?”

“What are you talking about” which men?

“Aunty laide said some guy slept at your house on Saturday… ahh why are you embarrassing me like this”

“But mummy…”

“Don’t mummy me, that is absolute rubbish and nonsense and I know you did not learn that foolishness from me”

“Mummy... listen”

“God knows I bought you up right… I can’t even imagine you were discussing that in church. Aren’t you ashamed?”

“But Mummy it’s Jacob” I said, screaming this time to get her attention.

“Which Jacob” she said

“Jacob Jacob”

“Jacob? Oh, Our Jacob but Why didn’t you tell her that you were talking about Jacob”


Now that we are back to the beginning, I will fill in the missing parts. Jacob is my 17 months old nephew. We are weaning him off sleeping next to someone because he tends to get up at night and feed. He has his own room and bed and the instruction was to let him sleep by himself under every circumstance unless he is sick.

But aunty laide did not get the whole fact. She went to tell my mom “These are one of the reasons we do not let girls live by themselves. Allied your daughter was boasting in church about the man that slept in her house last night”.

Next time I see aunty Laide, I will ask her “What did you hear?”


Aijay said...

Aunty Laide will be so ashamed of herself when she hears the 'complete' story.

Jaycee said...


Oh no...this is an example of SWEET GIST GONE WRONG...

30+ said...

What a disgraceful gbeborun

DiAmOnD hawk said...

whoa! me too i was like who is JACOB o... just a classic case of minding one's business cuz u never know...

will try to be on TERC next week... hopefully i get a wake up call

Believer said...

Indeed what did we hear? A good lesson for me the bible says be quick to listen and slow to speak ha ha!

Anonymous said...

lol, you hot me going for a second. I was like what happened to Moses. i won't be suprised if all eyes are you the next time you ho to church.

Daddy's Girl said...

LOLLL.. na wa for tori.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

lol... this aunty laide.. sharp reporter.. kai., what bugs me about this aunties is why they didnt want to dsicuss with us first and gain our confidence before parading us infront of our mothers and worthless items.

I think it has more to do with maybe them being sick of hearing good gist from our mothers of how good we are they want to pour sand in their garri..


Kafo said...

this is wrong
that is why the whole gbeborun naija connection should be put on suspension they NEVER get the facts straight and then one comes across as

omo i feel u
one time the VINE had it that my sister got married and didn't invite any of the Naija ppl. in Bmore and of course my father in Naija hears it thru the vine when he was in church and starts to flip

Writefreak said...

I was already wondering who Jacob but whoever he was, aunty laide had no business with it, you were'n t talking to her. She shoulda been a journalist or is she one?

Sherri said...

sorry for the lateness,
i just did a post about a little man in my bed

Xhale said...

LOL...I love the twist here and there and thats what Aunty Laide gets for being a gossip folk and you mom is a trip...nigerian mothers to love them and to love them.

rethots said...

...did you ask her, what did she say?