Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Sins of the Parents

“Allied, I have gist for you oh” said an acquaintance of mine. I guess every one has this type of friend, who always has gist. You listen and nod, maybe a comment here and there but you never dive in too much for fear of her mentioning your name when she is relating the gist to someone else. Also, you never get to close to her because you hate people that gossip but you never send her away because her stories are always juicy.

“Eh, you do? What happened” my ears already perked. Ok, I like gist as the next person. What can I say?

“Yes oh, but don’t say I told you. I am just telling you because I think you should know”

“Of course” I said, we both know she will use the exact same line to the other twenty people she tells.

“Do you remember Gbohunmi?”

“Gbohunmi? Gbohunmi? That name sounds familiar. I am not sure…..who is he?”

She smiled “You don’t remember, but you know I was talking about a boy. It might have been a girl now. Anyway, Gbohummi in night vigil”

Of course I know who Gbohunmi is, I was just “demoing’ for the girl. Before i know, a concocted a story about Gbohunmi and I will be carried through the tri state“cobalizing” me in one of her numerous gist.

“Is he the tall dark guy that plays the drum”? Another white lie, I knew Gbohun is the guy that plays the guitar. He is a cutie, but a lot of girls are after him and I don’t want to be counted in the number.

“No, the other one that plays the guitar” she said impatiently

“Oh, ok…. What about him?”

A laugh with mirth escaped her lips “My dear, the guy really likes you oh. It’s been a while now, we were talking yesterday and he told me”

Pulse racing, heart pounding… but I managed to stay clam “really, since when? And why are you the one relating the message”

“What message? he did not send me to you, I am just telling you. Infact let me land before you bury me. I asked him what he will do about it, but he told me, he can only like you from a distance. Cause of the complication” she paused for the effect of her words

“Complication? what complication?” asked curious me. “But I am not married, neither do I smoke or drink. Or is it because I don’t go to his church?” I shamelessly listed my biodata.

She laughed “no, he said he did his home work and he found out your parents are separated. You have been exposed to divorce, so it’s not likely you will make a good wife”

My jaw dropped. “What”?

She repeated herself, like I didn’t hear her the first time. “What a shame, you guys would have been a cute couple; I hate it when something like that happens”

“He said that? Who wants to marry him anyway” my ego was bruised. If she knew that I had already envisioned what our twins would look like. Nimi (Oluwalonimi) will inherit his dimples, and my beautiful face and long hair (by Nigerian standard) and Kintan (Ireoluwakintan) would have his daddy’s long eyelashes and mummy’s almond shaped eyes.

“Yes, he did. Guys think like that sometimes…. anyway I got to go, bye”

She left, and I stood there for another minute or two pondering on what she said. I have never heard of this before... “What?” I said loud again.

I decided to investigate further. No, not with Gbohunmi, but talk to other people and see if this is another disease that needs to be purged from the society, and Boy was I surprised. I found out that a lot of guys believe in such things. From, Nigerians, to Indians to Guyanese. They all punish the children for the “sins” of their parents.

Notice I put sins in quotes. Sin is defining what is morally unacceptable in each culture. WOW

I refuse to believe people think this way, WE ARE CHRISTIANS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
For once i am speechless…

17 comments:

Afrobabe said...

I actually broke up with an ibo guy because I heard him say something like that about a babe he has introduced to his friend.
All I could hear was his side of the conversation and it went...

My guy you know me now, I can never introduce you to that kind of girl, she seemed very responsible I swear I didnt know she was from a broken home.

I was so upset that with his level of education he could think that way..I have a lot of friends and family from broken homes and could imagine him disrespecting them...babe you no loose.

Rinsola said...
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Rinsola said...

My luv, we could careless as in I have no doubt, a strong overpowering feeling, that I'm having the BEST marriage ever. A marriage modelled for others, u feel me? that should be your everyday thoughts when marriage comes to your mind.(This doesnt mean there won;t be one or two arguements)but it would be with the man chosen to understand you It ended with our parents, I refuse to continue the negative trait. It's normal to feel bad or wish it never happened, but my dear like i've come to believe NOTHING is COINCIDENTAL or a MISTAKE. Would share a story sometime next week or after concerning this post exactly. Children of divorcees are not written on the forehead and it's not a stamp we bear or would bear. Your own would love you INSPITE of your background or whatever. Take care luv

Writefreak said...

My dear, a guy that loves you deeply will not judge you based on your family circumstances, you're a different person from your parents. It's sad that some people think like that but really who has an ideal family situation? For the guy who thinks his family as it altogether, his mother or whoever might be staying in an unhappy marriage for all you know...so no one has the right to point an accusing finger at anyone...my husband's parents were separated, does that mean we will be? Definitely not, we both know more than that

You cannot be punished for the sins of yuor parents and any guy who claims he is a christian will not punish you for something that is not your doing...

acainto said...

I agree; a person's past does not determine their future and to judge people based on their past/parents is soooo wrong. Anyone who's willing to love you should be strong enough to totally and freely accept you; otherwise maybe they're just not right.
(ps: thanks for stopping by my blog!)

Bubbles said...

I haven't finished reading the post but i saw a slang u used and i just have to ask. Did u attend any FGGC in nigeria?

Bubbles said...

Wow, i think he is an ignorant person. You don't even want to be with someone like that. Who knows what other outlandish beliefs he has.

Bubbles said...
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Jaycee said...

I finally read this...wow...lol. But you see, God always has a way of leading his children (regardless of the sins of our parents) into our true destinies, as far as we're following His footsteps really closely. So Gbohunmi or no Gbohunmi...all na YARNS. Scshewww...if he fell in love with you, ur parents' story would be history!

rethots said...

We always try to justify that what we want but, is beyond our reach is substandard.
My dear, that's just a subtle way for you to know he's not worth you.
Cheers.

rethots said...

Of which, Oluwalonimi, Ireoluwakintan.... yoruba names are simply expressive.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

I thoroughly love this post. What a way for the Lord to use a tale bearer to get you to close business on a certain good..lol.. Its sad really but many people do have that mentality..

Well lets thank God for stearing you clear of what's its name..

Belle said...

never heard that before o...
me thinks that girl was cockblocking. hisss.

PS...loving your writing...

30+ said...

Don't believe I have not read this post till now.

It is so SAD when folks get hung up on things like that.

2ndCorin5:17 said...

Gbohunmi IS A CERTIFIED *FAKE GUY* !!
Tell him i said so...
HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Ozymandias said...

that is so lame...there's certainly no connection and anyone who thinks that way, has other issues..my opinion...and certainly, Gbohunmi has to get wiser..

rethots said...

Short of which, how come none of the twins is a girl?