Friday, November 9, 2007

Premonition

“I have been here before” I thought to myself. The warm room I stood in had a strange sense of familiarity to it. I surveyed the place like an architect looking for his signature on a building. I turned around confused; and there you were standing with your arms akimbo

“What are you thinking about?” you asked

“Your place looks very familiar. I feel like I have been here; in this very room”

You shook your head and turned away as if I was crazy. We both know it was impossible, the house was completed two months ago and this was my first visit. I moved towards the sofa but sat at its edge with my coat still on, fiddling my car keys. You pulled me into the couch, thinking it was the game we play, the one where I pretend to leave and you beg me to stay. Whereas, this time I was really feeling uneasy about the oddness of the intimacy with the room.

We watched a funny movie on TV and you placed your head on my lap, unconsciously I combed your hair with my fingers while you laughed at the silly dialogue. I laughed too. Not at the movie but at you because you giggle like a school girl in love. Your laugher was replaced by soft snores, your chest heaved at the sound of each breath you took. I still marvel at how fast you fall asleep. The movie was over and as if on cue, the grandfather clock chimed one and I knew it was time to leave.

I kissed you on the forehead and whispered into your ears “I am leaving”. You asked me to let you fall asleep before I do. I smiled and obliged even though you are already sleeping. I lay next to you and it took me thirty minutes to find my way to slumber land.

I woke up and could see the crimson sky with autumn leaves dancing to the wind’s praises through the parting of the curtains. It must be cold outside. The feelings of strangeness and familiarity came back strongly and I felt it should not be ignored. With my eyes closed, i tried to remember where I saw this room and what it signifies to me. I dug and dug deeper into my mind image box. Suddenly, it came back to me; everything much brighter and in more detail. My heart sank and I knew before I looked, a dark ring stain made by your coffee cup would be on the table.

I sprang up and checked, there the evidence was. The dampness and color of the stain on the wood gave its timeline away. The mark was recently made; it couldn’t have been more than a day old. I looked at you sleeping and tears filled my eyes. Slowly, I put my coat on and found my shoes. It was not until I got into my car that the tears let out. Yes, I have been in that room before. The same room in my dream where you would cry and plead with me to let you marry someone else and all I could do is stare at the fading dark ring on the coffee table.

45 comments:

Jinta said...

OK! This deja vu thing: na fact abi na fiction?

Jaycee said...

Which kine suspense be this one?

Got my heart racing like a race-car! Geez! Spill! (what a heart break, and any sign of tears in a story makes me want to cry too).

yayi said...

Gally!!! Girl i hope nobody aint been trying to hurt your feelings. meeeeeeeennnnn....i dont like this. its very sad. i hope you are OK and I hope its not fiction or else........!!

pamelastitch said...

I AM SAD... :-(

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

uh oh, this is so melancholy...but well written

Rinsola said...

I'm here wondering w'sup, and i can't get to put the pieces together. Could u please not put this suspense on hold for too long, jowo, please.

Afrobabe said...

Ohhhh this is so touchy girl....

Imagine,if only we all had those powers, would stop us from making a lot of mistakes.

Believer said...

Sweety, this had a sad note too it but I loved the writing. How r u doing?

Kafo said...

omo
true
i am with Jinta and Jaycee
too much suspense tell mii now how did this happen
what is the cause

i am waiting ooooo

Anonymous said...

as i scrolled down to see what you wrote...joy came over me ..hoping for a happy ending..

but as i read, i could feel the pain she endures,recalling each and every vivid detail of her
familiar surrounding but also I could feel a warm jubulation she feels being with her lover..

He misses her presense, she misses his touch, he misses her warm, she misses his attention...

His true feelings he can not display, forced to surpress because of social norms... his confused state of mind, keeps her on the edge...He wonders what
is the right thing to do... to be with the one he really loves or the one would be acceptable
in the social circle...I await to see what both will do .. will it be the lover from year's
past or the present friend or one chosen from his mother's batch...

Allied said...

@ Jinta - Na fiction oh. But with every ounce of truth in it.

@ Jaycee - The kind that takes you through the emotions. The story ends here. Who knows what will happen next.

@ Yayi - I dey kampe. No one is trying to hurt my feelings. I like writing in the first person, cause i can feel what my character is going throught at that moment.

@ Pamelastitch - Me too. I wish i can give it a happy ending.

@ Solomonsdelle - Yes it is. Thanks !

@ Rinsola - Ahh, all the clues are there especially in the last two paragraphs. The story is complete.

@ Afrobabe - We do have the power, the question is "do we listen to it" ?

@ Believer - Yes it did. But since it has an opening ending, all is not lost because "Joy comes in the morning"

@Kafo - Don't do this to me now... The story is complete. She doesn't know how the cause. All she knows is that a break up is coming.

@ Anonymous - Lol. Who is telling the story? you or me?

darkelcee said...

i no understand this o. please expantiate and i mean it.

thanks for hailing ur sis

Enjoy!

Olamild said...

hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Belle said...

damn, you can WRITE!
i'm glad it's fiction...phew!

30+ said...

Wonderful, you've so inspired me to put up a poem.

When I get myself round to it.

Aijay said...

Dear Allied, please put up a sweet lovey dovey post with a happy ending. This got me feeling sad.
And no I haven't updated. Lol.

Miss Iyabo Opeke said...

Thank you for stopping by and ra!zin' ur voice along me...

Afrobabe said...

Hmmm babe I don't know about having the power oh...I usually don't hear anything till it hits me on the head..good thing with me is once I realise, I dont waste time deciding and moving on...would love some super powers though...like thability to shrink things...guess what I would shrink first?

EXSENO said...

This is some really great writing. Worthy of a good book.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

hmmmmmmmmmm...... me thinks this is real. Allied jist me all about it.. what seems to the problem? He was crying pleading for you to let him marry another.... that dream is not one of mine!!!.........

Unknown Blogger said...

ok i'm kinda lost. let me go read 4rm ur very first post so i can understand properly.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

update please....

Isi said...

this is so well written...with a rare style, tracing to infinity! is it a case of bad dream or lost love? its so profound...

For the love of me said...

Wow, arent you just so talented, nice. Let me go and read others.

Olamild said...

Came back to read

THAT'S SO SADDD

Allied said...

@ Darkelee - This piece is already written in full length. Wish i can expand on the story. You can always creating ur own ending.

@ Olamild - Yippe! Yes it is.

@ Belle - Thanks! I guess its safe time to tell you i stalk your blog.

@ 30+ - I promise i will hold you to ur words.

@ Aijay - Na Lie, not until you update.

@ Miss Iyabo Opeke - You are welcome.

@ Afrobabe - Lol, ahh don’t shrink it oh.

@ Exseno - Book "lowun lowun"? You should see me blushing...

@ TLOASCM - Lol... No it is not real. I pray that will not be my portion in Jesus name. (AMEN!!!!)

@ Unknown blogger - This has nothing to do with my previous post. I am starting to think i did not do a good job.

@ Solomonsydelle - It is not even a week yet. Please give me a little time. After you praise me for this, i need to deliver something solid. :)

@ Isi - I am happy that comment came from you. I love ur writing. Regarding the post, it is both. Bad dream = Premonition = Future lost love.

@ For the love of me - Thanks! But you too are talented oh. When i read one of ur master piece, i remember saying “God, wish i can write like that".

November 14, 2007 1:21 PM

rethots said...

BEAUTIFUL.

Queen of My Castle said...

Wow...where have I been? You are an impecable writer!

I could actually feel for your character.

Bukenzo said...

Where's the update now? am waiting to see where u are going with this story. Thanks for checking out my blog. I appreciate you.

Writefreak said...

Ok..i was scared there cos i though you were talking about yourself until i read the comments...haba babe, you wan giev somebody hypertension? lol....nice writing!

E2Deep said...

You have MAJOR Talent.

Allied said...

@ Rethots - Thanks!

@ Queen of my castle - Thank you. I said the same about you on your blog.

@ Bukenzo - The story ends here, You are welcome

@ Writefreak - Hypertension ke? God forbid. I am also glad its fiction.

@ e2deep - Thank you very much!

Waffarian said...

My first time here, very well written, loved it.

The Real Me Exposed said...

Stirring. I am mushy, girl, you're gonna make me cry!!! Thanks for stoppiny by!

Aijay said...

Oya I've updated & guess what??
You’ve been tagged for the 30 days of thankfulness chain.
Please visit my blog for details.
Thanks.

Writefreak said...

I just tagged you, please visit my blog for details :-)

30+ said...

ALLIED! ALLIED!! ALLIED!!!

How many times did I call you?

Update now sharpish

princesa said...

This is really sad but beautiful all the same.

2ndCorin5:17 said...

oh my gawsh....
wow.. dis is sooo sooo sad...
Its bringing me a deep saddness... wow
U are an excellent writer

fantasy queen said...

i'm guessing this is u using reality to write fiction...
its pretty deep...all mushy mushy but so beautifully written.

Allied said...

@ Waffarian: You are welcome

@ The real me exposed: Don't cry :(. It is just a story

@ Aijay : The 30days thanksgiving post is up

@ Writefreak : I am blessed. Thank you

@ 30+ : Oya, Mo ti update

@ Princesa : You are right! Wish i could give it a happy ending

@ 2nd Corin5:17 - Thank you

@ Fantasy Queen: You are absolutely RIGHT

funmi said...

Amazingly Beautiful...

You got my heart rate up for a bit there!
Glad to know its fiction (and hope it remains so!!!)

Wow,wish i could write like that
www.fumosh.wordpress.com

Mythots said...

Wew, am still trying to breath out slowly so i dont burst a vein...

Magnetic piece...

Imagine a book from you (i am already salivating at the prospects...)

Allied said...

@ funmi – Glad you like it.

@ Mythoths – a book? Thanks for the compliment.

rethots said...

Silence.