Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The Other Side

Somehow, they were always around to see her step in or out of her red sport car. The Sub Rosa life she lives, aroused their interest in her arrivals and departures in that gated community of theirs. Sometimes, they would say hello when she looked their way but often they just stare. One of they rumored she was a model, but another disagreed for although she has the body structure and the height, her glasses and pull back ponytail makes her look more like a sexy teacher. ‘No’ the unassigned leader said authoritatively ‘the laptop she carries and the high heel she wears suggests she works in an office’. They all agreed that she is pretty and dresses very well.

They really did think she was a pretty girl until that warm Monday night. At 1:32am they saw a figure approaching in a familiar stride. They weren’t sure who it was until she said ‘can you please keep your voices down. I know summer is here and you have no school but some of us have to work tomorrow’ though her request was stated calmly with a slight accent that alluded she is bilingual, her voice was somewhat stern. Their action in response to her demand came in the form of a shrill cry – piercing and keening to her senses; she took a couple of steps back, afraid something was terribly wrong. It was not until one of them fell on his back with his hand on his stomach did she realize they were laughing at her.

‘What happened to you?’ He asked. ‘I mean, we always thought you are a babe but dag what happened?’

What they saw, they termed “African booty scratcher

Her hair was not packed in the usual pony tail but concealed in a tight black satin turban. Her face was bare except for the granny glasses that sat on the edged of her nose. They were huge and round, definitely not the cute squared frame she wore during the day. The faded white shirt clung to her body happily proclaiming the 60th birthday of an old woman. A rather long colorful Ankara covered the lower half of her body, to finish off the look; she wore two different color rubber slippers.

“What a transformation” another said

She in turn saw three young loafers always sitting under the big Juniper like tree below her bedroom window. Sometimes, she throws a smile their way acknowledging their greeting but often she prays for her brother when she sees the three, hoping he is not constituting a nuisance in somebody else’s life just like these loafers does in hers.

In an unmistakably Nigerian accent she yelled “what did you just called me? African booty scratcher? In your life you will not utter such again. You fool. If you don’t leave this place in ten minutes, I will show you what I am made of? Awon ode gbogboalianironu omode[1]. “

“You cannot do anything. We will leave when we are good and ready to do so”

“Wait and see. I am only giving you ten minutes. You will definitely regret it if you give me a reason to come out here again”

They continued to laugh

She was definitely pissed off, although her threat was an empty one; she felt a strong need to do something incase they decide to test her already worn thin patience. She paced up her down her bedroom, thinking about what she could do to get those boys away from the tree.

Twenty minutes passed and she still heard them laughing outside her window. One of them mimicked her accent and mannerism for their amusement.

She went into the kitchen and came back with her ammunition. Her first missile cascaded from her window down on their heads. As she finished pouring the big bucket of semi hot water, she remembered the heat wave prediction for that night. She returned to her kitchen and this time she came out with a big bucket of cold water, a broom and omorogun[2]. She stepped out of her house to their curses; many f’s and b’s flew out their mouth. Without retort, she threw the cold water at them, brought out the broom and proceeded to hit them one by one on their leg...

They all ran in disbelieve

With her left arm akimbo and the right holding the omorogun, she yelled “to ba bi yin da, come back here. Awon amu ni dese buruku[3]

They left and she went back into her house

Though, it was quiet she could not sleep. She never thought such actions could come from her.

She loved the rush; relish the verdict but not proud of the means it was derived

Maybe is she not gentle after all

Maybe Allied was never gentle to begin with

Maybe it is the other side of me…


[1] Idiots! Children that cannot think
[2] A stick used to make Eba or Amala
[3] If you are born complete, come back here. Evil people that leads one to sin

43 comments:

Shubby Doo said...

...1st?

Jaycee said...

2nd...:)

Shubby Doo said...

lack of consideration is so ripe these days...respect is nearly obsolete...those kids need deliverance

lol@african booty scratcher...

there is a strength inside each and everyone of us… the other side of us is simply us.

Good for you allied!!!

Jaycee said...

LOLLLL...loved the story. Allied, was that actually YOU carrying omorogun and chasing little rascals???

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL...

Chari said...

Thank God for new post o...

Chari said...

LOL!!!

buahahahahahahaha!!!

e le gan o!

Writefreak said...

OMG babe...are you for real? Sounds like something i might be tempted to do in the same situation...hehehe
God have mercy!

Afrobabe said...

lmao...ALLIED PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDNT DO THAT??? CHAI...WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO OUR SWEET ALLIED OH....

OluwaDee said...

Allied, did u really flog them with broom n water????????
I must say, ur yoruba is solid. Mine can't stand near yours.

Aspa reading d book, i feel its btr 2 read it wen in a r'ship, n u no its looking +ve. cos 1ce u read ul want 2 experiment.
I started reading them when rabbi & I started talking bout getting married n sex came up.

Jinta said...

somehow it doesn't surprise me that you got out an omorogun, but,

what the heck is an african booty snatcher?

darkelcee said...

u did that ?

i guess u ain't gentle afterall...lolll (just kidding)

but u really i dont blame u jare

howdy do ?

30+ said...

ROTFLMAO!!!

Allied! Allied!! Allied you are case

Did you really do that - chai they have brought the ogbongecious out of you mehn.

onydchic said...

Wow.Wow. Hmm...

Take it easy o.

LG said...

@ 30+ : na real'ogbongecious'
hehehehe
not dat dos bois dont deserve it tho
norrin do u jor

lol@“African booty scratcher”

naijalines said...

African booty scratcher...lol.
Those kids deserved a rollicking...definitely.

Your story reminds me of those 'no nonsense' aunties and uncles we used to avoid as kids. Won o ran yan ni se o.

ablackjamesbond said...

lol.

Pele...ma bi nu.

Uzezi said...

really funny. true story? respect exists no more

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

so allied you drive a sports car..lol.. this is too funny. Really enjoyed this post. Kai, that will show them youth..lol..

Anonymous said...

am happy that you stood up for yourself, i respect that, makes you more beautiful. you were only being human. keep your head up nubian princess. never let words from strangers hurt you. remember they don't know you. remember 911 domestic disturbance is a still a crime in america.

Kafo said...

i love it

esp the orogun part
two thumbs way up


wait
is this for real, did it really happen

Allied said...

@ Shubby Doo – You are very right. Respect! Where is it today?

@ Jaycee – Yes that was me my TERC sister. They are not little oh… I am talking about young boys from ages 19-21.

@ Chari – Emi na ti gba ni sinyin pe mo le gan

@ Writefreak – Yes, I am for real. I had a moment there; I hope that character does not surface again oh…

@ Afrobabe – That is what I am also asking myself.

@ OluwaDee – Yes I did, you too can learn Yoruba oh. I started speaking proper Yoruba when I came to the US. We do not speak Yoruba in my home, but I made it a point to learn the language on my own.

@ Jinta – Well, I was not surprised that I got out the omorogun, which is second nature to me, - you can ask my brother. However I am surprised that I can pour water (hot and cold) on them, then hit them with a broom. And Yes I was planning on using the omorogun if they came back. I don’t know what African booty scratcher means; all I know is that it is an Insult.

@ Darkelee – I am fine oh – how are u. O yo kuro ni blogville abi?

@30+ - I know. I am sure they have nicknamed me the Iya Aje of our adugbo

@ Onydchic – I will

Allied said...

@ LG – Thank you jare

@ Naijalines – I remember those aunties and uncles too. I really don’t want to be like them that is why I am a little sad but those boys need some discipline

@ Ablackjamesbond – ahh, mo ti binu koja. It is over. But I hope they won’t test me again oh.

@ Uzezi – yes it is a true story. It happened last week

@ LOASCM – Yes I drive a sport car – don’t envy me yet. I am paying through my nose to buy gas. I want to trade it for a Red bicycle.

@ Anonymous – Thank you oh. I will start calling 911 from now on. I thought those boys were disciplined that was why I went out there in the first place.

@ Kafo – Every Nigerian home should have an orogun. You don’t have to use it to make eba. It is a multipurpose stick.

Omosewa said...

Did you pour hot water on omo lomos? LMAO.

Thats what you should have done to that thief in your previous post, poured some steaming egusi in her face, mchewwww...LOL, ok i have a forgiving heart.

Have a nice weekend sisterly.

bumight said...

pls tell me that was not you! LOL!

@jinta & Allied: African Booty scratcher is a derogatory word that pple use as an African sterotype. much like the N**** word.

Afolabi said...

lol...it'll be even more funny and awesome, if this actually happened. Please say it did? Showed those guys pepper though.

Standtall said...

So na Allied story I dey read so. U r beautiful joooooooooo. I love the effort u made in chasing them away. My hubby too beat up one idiot for me not to long ago. I blogged abt it.

Smaragd said...

ROTFLMAO!

it's been long since i wrote that!

that ur aso-ebi story annoyed me no end! WTF was it with that friend?! na wa o.

beyoootifoool proverbs Allied, very good (i couldnt read most of them sha...lol)

and your treatment of those boys is hilarious! so typically nigerian...he he he

Ms. Catwalq said...

iwo omo yii, jewo ibo lo lo n gbe yen na?

wa na o. o ma n wo jigi...oloju igo coke!!! lol

BlogVille Idol said...

We are down to d final two on blogville idol!!pls head over to d page and listen to ABBie & Dammy battle it out!!!pls listen to them and vote..we also have some guest bloggers singing!!u wanna know who they are??why dont u run to d idol page now!!and pls dont forget to leave us a kind comment!!

Queen of My Castle said...

They REALLY pissed you off! My goodness. Kids still say African Booty Scratcher?! That's what this friend(and I use that term loosely) of mine started calling me after he found out I was dating a Nigerian.

This story was too cute, and did you REALLY go outside in different colored slippers?! *Gasp*

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Haha, Allied did you really do that?! I come and bow oh!LOL
African booty scratcher ke? That is def a new one for me!
PS: I have pondered and pondered on the comment you left on my post on FGM. While I have read much about people going back home to have their daughters circumcised (this is what Linda Cureil fights in France)- it shocks me everytime. My heart bleeds for those girls. I do not know them, but my heart bleeds already.

princesa said...

lol! If it hasn't come out it doesn't mean it's not there!

They deserved it jare.

anonymous gal said...

lol

Jaycee said...

I just came here to smile...lol (I'm not saying anything o)...

Naapali said...

You are one tough sister. I am encouraged by your comment regarding learning Yoruba on your own. Pray tell me the resources you used.

Aphrodite said...

Its not that you are not gentle. maybe they brought out the ungentle part of you :)

Rita Esuru Okoroafor said...

You are kidding me!!!

I still think you are a pretty girl.

Nice ammunition...

ablackjamesbond said...

Come update naah!

FineBoy Agbero said...

lailai!!! dat cant be u!!
na wa o... nice strong way to deal with pests, tho'.
I do admire ur courage...

(updated my blog finally... check it out)

rethots said...

Eventually, when the push comes to shove............'our other sides' is displayed. Its got nothing to do with refinement.

But then, off the point.........who is responsible for the loss of deferment???

anonymous gal said...

u r worst than me in updatin

Uzezi said...

when are we geeting an update?

Writefreak said...

sweetie, where are you??? huh? missing you o!