Monday, November 3, 2008

Souvenir - A Haiku Story

The days are shorter
Layer blankets and hot tea
Welcome winter

Escaping the blues
Pink Polka dot bikini
Australian summer

Nightlife & Vodka
Headboard knocking; Yes! Oh Yes
False intimacy

Everything must end
Bills waiting in mailbox
Looming solitude

Slanted deep brown eyes
Tuck in a wooly blanket
Autumn, a son’s birth

29 comments:

bumight said...

I'm lost, I don't do poems :(

but I'm FIRST!!!

Allied said...

Lol Bumight - Don't read it as such - It is infact a story. You have to know something about Haiku though!

Read the title then follow the story

Naapali said...

So she get bele after winter vacation spent in Australia, now wey Autumn don come for Northern Hemisphere she born de pikin?

Naapali said...
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Allied said...

Yes oh my doctor!! na so she come with souvenir from Australia.

Shubby Doo said...
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Shubby Doo said...

You know what this semi scared me…just cos I’m off to America later this wk for a w/e of pure indulgence cos it's my birthday…with blue bikini and all…

I guess technically nothing I do can be classified as a summer fling but no way am I expecting anything next Autumn, like son’s birth.

Methinks I will settle for a nice boring and very mundane souvenir.

@naaps – thanks for breaking it down to this barbaric engineer.

Shubby Doo said...

-summer's escape against winter's reality
-false intimacy of a holiday romance against the solitude of paying bills when back home alone...then the latter is cleverly contrasted again with the possibility of real closeness with someone (i.e. her son's birth) as the season changes again to Autumn.

i don't know Haiku but i liked the contrasts woven in2 this story

Allied said...

Where are u going with blue bikini? Is there still a place in US that can accommodate such wear weather-wise? It is getting very cold here.
Though u say you do not know Haiku, yet you live (it is an everyday thing) and interpret it. Readers are left to interpret a poem however it appeals to them. But you seem to know the author’s mind. Your analysis is parallel to my thoughts.
The gist of it is - Next Winter, she will not be alone.
Shabash!!!

It will be nice for you, Catwalq, Dr Naps and NDQ to continue this ...

I want to see where this story might lead

NigerianDramaQueen said...

I knew I would not be dissappointed if you posted it! Brilliant. It all adds up: bikini+ summer love= autumn son+souvenir! Brilliant. Loved the australian bit too. So much can be read into the few lines. Now you really make me wanna gather liver and try my hand at a haiku. Loved it. Loved it!!!

Jaycee said...

I loved this. I keep saying your writings are genius. Allied, what would I do if you ever stopped?

I especially liked "Autumn, a son's birth."

OluwaDee said...

Like Bumight, I'm totally lost.

aloted said...

I am with bumight and Oluwadee on this one

rethots said...

Allied.....

Allied said...

@ NigerianDramaQueen – I am glad u like it. Infact, I want u to please write yours. It is because of your encouragement that I was able to ‘gather liver’ to post this for the whole world to see.

@ Jaycee - I can never suffer from low self esteem if I have people like you on my team. (That rhymed). I have always associated autumn to new beginning.

@ OluwaDee - its okay, I know I won’t get famous over this Haiku.

@ Aloted – Lol...

@ Rethots - Yes Rethots…. Are u also lost?

FineBoy Agbero said...

ok. i do poems but i'm lost. tho Naap's and ur comments made tins clearer... i didnt take "son" literally tho; mayb dat's whr i was lost...

one tin i noticed tho: of the four seasons, spring was missing. Figuratively, shld spring not have been d son's birth rather than autumn when things "fall"?

To digress a lil bit to an argument i've had for a while: What does poetry do? SHould a poem be inaccessible by the reader? Has the poem not lost its essence if the reader can't understand it? My grouse with SOyinka and the likes... And my love for Robert Frost and the likes... SO what do u think: should poets over-wrap (read warp!) their poems in mystery or should a poem be simple and easily accessible?

Nice poem sha. Still, i am a retired poet...

princesa said...

You know u are intelligent girl, right?

Shubby Doo said...
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Shubby Doo said...

@FBA - i thought so 2 and it would fit with the timeline as i see it...9 months from summer takes one to spring time but again i think this could be about either

1) contrasts...i.e. autumn...a time when leaves fall...a time when the landscapes are bare... compared with the new life with the birth of a son

OR
2) autumn...as the time of harvest...when crops are ripe...think bounteous...think of mellow fruitfulness

Naapali said...

@ Allied
- will try my hands on it over the next week or so, will send it to you when done.

@ Shubby et al
- regarding the seasons, make una stretch mind small:
- she went to Australia to escape winter in the Northern hemisphere hence Summer love (as in summer in Australia)
- the son was born back in the Northern hemisphere, 9 months later in Fall/Autumn

Afolabi said...

Maybe it's Naapali that helped me out or maybe not.... Nice poem. At least the mother will have stories to tell the son about the events that led to him being born.

ablackjamesbond said...

nice. whats haiku?

Queen of My Castle said...

Ugh! I envy you. I such horribly bad at poetry, but I always love your work. Talented is an understatement!

Isi said...

allied and naapali... english connoiseurs (um...not sure i got the spelling right. lol).
how've u been girl?!

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Babes im so scared I'll mess it up if I add so much as one word
Ill leave it to Dr Naaps and Catwalq!lol

Naapali said...

It is finished and posted, hope you like.

bArOquE said...

...i dont know how i didnt see this before, i'm in love with its concise nature although the Australian bit reminds me of the series LOST...now lemme go & look at the for other versions...

Allied said...

@ FineBoy Agbero – When it is winter in North America, it is summer in Australia. She had the son in North America – when it was autumn.

Poetry is not for everyone. Haiku on its own is not supposed to be complicated. Each one should be able to stand alone. It is easy not to understand poetry simply because you might misinterpret one thing for another. example is the son born in autumn in my haiku.
I think poetry is personal and at its best, speaks to others

@ princesa - na you talk am o! Thanks

@ Shubby Doo - I see my older sis is trying to defend me

@ Naapali – you put my haiku to shame.

@ Afolabi – The son is a real Enitan

@ ablackjamesbond - Japanese poetry. It is written in 3 verses with a 5-7-5 syllables

@ Queen of My Castle – I am bad at poetry myself. Haiku I just something I enjoy

@ Isi – I am fine oh. Thanks!

@ NigerianDramaQueen – lol, you u can’t. With the way you play with words, I don’t think u can ever mess it up. (Hint* it is already messed, up, its u guys job to fix it*)

@ bArOquE - I will let you know that I might be the only one left on earth that hasn’t watched Lost. I heard there is a Dr Yemi and bad boy Emeka in the some episodes

Mssula said...

I loved it!

I love Haikus in general... The restraint one must have to convey a powerful idea. It's quite brilliant really.

The poem reminded me oddly of Dido's song "Sand in my shoes" on her Life for Rent album. Same mindset of fleeting summer flings...

To answer FBA, poetry is like every other art form. The author tries to express him/herself through the medium. Problem is not everybody will get it. Which is fine. If the artist starts writing/painting/etc for the audience, they lose what makes them artist in the first place.