Thursday, October 16, 2008

Things I wish i knew years ago

I’m a year older today, and I’ve made my share of mistakes in my life. As much as I will like to always learn from the mistakes of others, I am humanly bond to make mine and learn tremendously from very single one.

Are there things I would have changed in my life? Probably, but I am not so sure because almost every poor choice I made shaped me into the woman I am today and it shouldn’t be surprising to say that I love me. However, there are a few things I wish I knew at some point in my life. It certainly would have made my life easier and less stressed. I am not sharing these things in regret but in hope that others can benefit from my blunders because we cannot live long enough to make them all by ourselves.

People will always have something to say. You don’t have to always listen.
l remember that at 8 years old, I was already 5’5. Aunties and Uncles said “Allied, you are growing too tall, no man will marry you if you grow any taller” Can u believe that? Of course, at that time when it had been instilled in us in school that the greatest achievements for girls were to be a good daughter then a great wife. The latter was going to be difficult if I did not somehow stunt my own growth. So at Age 8, Allied began to fast and pray so as not to grow an inch. Well I am 5’8 right now and I am the shortest in my family. Now all I hear is “if you are just as tall as your sister (5’10) you could have been a model.

All that stuff that’s stressing you out — it won’t matter in 5 years, let alone 15.
There have been many things that have happened to me, professionally and personally, that seem like the end of the world. And while these things were bad, they get blown up in my head so that they become major drama. They caused me to be depressed from time to time. What a waste of time. There are different problems at every stage in life. I remember when my biggest problem was when Kayode said he like omolade in primary 5B and not me. I told myself I will never like any boy again - Yeah right! Another big problem was this Data Structure class in University I couldn’t pass. I was one of the good students in computer science but still I could not pass this100 level course, it took 3 exams before I passed it in my last year. Still with a B+. There was also this crazy boss that was after my life, I thought I needed that job, but in the end, they let me go. It took me four weeks to understand that needed to happen for me to be where I am today. So, whatever those stress might be right now, just realized that it wouldn’t matter a single bit just a few years down the road. Perspective is a good thing to learn.

That skinny will be in vogue.
All those that called me “gbekumoyan” “Igbale” “walking stick” “Letter i” I want to see you now!! Ahh, I suffer oh, Kids and adult can be downright cruel. They called me names just because I was skinny. What didn’t I consume to make me fat – raw eggs, more raw eggs, milk and all other concoctions? Now, some of those *insert not so nice word* people see me now and as say “Allied, please tell me how you stayed your size”? drink raw eggs I say

Saying NO does not mean the end of the world.
I had a problem saying No and people took advantage of me. I had to start saying No, the first practice was telling myself in the mirror – it might sound silly but it worked. Now I am so good at it. Expect to hear a No from me if I have just finish cleaning the kitchen then you tell me to make you Iyan and Egusi. Expect to hear No, if you ask me to pick you up at your friend’s house at 1am on a workday when I am suppose to be at work at 7am. Infact I just said No to my little cousin (he is 1) he wants water, which means I have to stop typing... Okay maybe I am taking the No thing too far. ‘I am coming sweetie’

Just because you can pay the minimum doesn’t mean you can afford the balance.
Pay up your credit card debt and don’t buy so much stuff. My 20-year-old self would probably have read this post years ago and said, “Good advice!” But still I carried a large balance on my credit cards and paid my minimum balance. I was so mad when I got better in Mathematics and figured out how much I paid in interests for the stuff I don’t even own anymore.

A crying man does not equal a sensitive man.
Allied was ‘Mugued’. Just because a man cries when he hurts you, does not mean he is not evil. U know now that I think about it, I think I was just so shocked that he cried freely with me. As par I am Nigerian, I did not know what to do with a crying man except to “pet” him… ‘Sorry’ I say then clean his eyes then bring him water… Lol... I am laughing now, so funny

Six is not bad now. Please lets know what you wish you knew 5 -10 years ago. Like I said earlier, it is better to learn from other’s mistakes.

Wait!! Before you comment, remember to wish me a Happy Birthday :)


Shubby Doo said...

happy birthday...going back to read...

Onyeka said...

Happy Birthday!

Great, great words. You're one of the lucky ones. Many people don't necessarily get wiser as they get older.

Now, go out and have some fun.

30+ said...

I am 3rd

Shubby Doo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
30+ said...

Happy Birthday darling.

I wish I knew...well can't think of what I wish I knew.

naijalines said...

Happy Birthday Allied. A crying man is not necessarily a sensitive to know much earlier.

Shubby Doo said...

LMAO @ skinny is in vogue… I remember when I was younger being called 'bone ga fish'… if looks could kill I would have hospitalised all my family relations for saying it in their own very endearing and patronising way… back then I just wanted to put on weight… now I am trying not to put on weight.

I wish I had known that change was the only constant in life…

I wish I had trusted my instincts more with my ex and made him stay away after i walked away… but I allowed love for being with him to turn into my fear of being forever without him…

I wish I knew that it was ok to live my own destiny… that reaching up for happiness didn’t mean that I couldn’t reach out with happiness…

I wish I knew that self love is not selfishness… that my ability to love myself meant I had an abundance of love within me to give others.

HAPPY Birthday Allied… I wish you love, joy and truth in this journey called life.

bumight said...

Happy Birthday!!!!

lol, I wish I had known about the tall thing too. we used to arrange our clothes according to height and birth order which was perfect until I grew taller than the birth order. they used to tell me the same thing, and I used to pray so tht I wont get taller.

now, I wish I had reached at least 5'9" so that I can model! dang!!

Enjoy your day, and save a piece of cake for me!

LG said...


Rita said...

Happy Birthday Dear...Wishing you many more prosperous and fulfilling years ahead.

I so agree with you on the things you've learnt...thanks for sharing. Your words have really encouraged me.

Sherri said...

Happy buffday luv!
after enduring being called ego,(egotamobus) twiggy and dongo i sure can relate.

i have learned that loving God and having a religion is not one and the same.


Happy bday!!!!

And yes, skinny is so in vogue oh!

darkelcee said...

i am laughing really hard here as per gbekumoyan and igbale. i can give my right hand now to have ur size.

happy birthday love. i pray this new year will bring you to new heights in Jesus name.

ok things i wish i knew then.......just 1 and its i wish i knew big stomach wont be in vogue now. we used to flaunt the girl with the biggest stomach in my class then and i can came 3rd in ranking. now i know better..... kai ,too late self. lol

Naapali said...

Happy Birthday.

I wish you joy.

Anonymous said...

hi, didn't know it was your bday. its funny how if you are a guy and you are 5.9" you are considered short, but for a girl she is considered tall

Kafo said...

happy birthday oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
today i mean yesterday was also my sisters bday

what i wish i knew 5-10 years ago:
that i would talk: i would have cherished my years of silence more and grown more if i had know that eventually my voice will emerge

time is traffic: eventually we will all have to slow down and some point in time

Smaragd said...

Happy Buffday Lepa Shandy!

*wink*, at least nonbody "yabs" ur frame anymore! i was a chubby adolescent, now i'm a slim adult and it seems i will not hear the last of how small i am!

i'm still waiting for 5 years to look back at all my present worries right now and laff my ass off!

Jaycee said...

Awww...I wish I read this yesterday, but I wasn't around blogsville.

My God bless you and enlarge your territory, even as He has added one more year to your life. God loves you...and me too. Lol (that sounded cheesy, but true).


aloted said...

Happy Birthday to you Allied

Thanks for sharing what u have learnt..i have picked up one or two things...:)

God bless you today and forever!

30+ said...

I am back.

Well, I wish I had known all the while that maturity does often come with age and we all mature at our own pace.

simeone said...

sreaming at the top of me voice .."hapii baiday ooo" make up for my lateness.

AlooFar said...

Happy b'day dear,

I really can't remember anything now.

RE: I see u like roadside books too ;)

How r u?

Uzezi said...

happy birthday girl.

reading ur post, something jumped at me. i ve always known that God answers prayers o!

if at 8 u were 5'5, and u prayed and u stopped growing long, tall whatever and today u r 5'8, it means God answered that prayer. amazing really. How could u be 5'5 at 8 and only 3 inches taller today? difficult to swallow.

it means when im pregnant, i can actually pray to God and tell him just what I want the baby to look like. if a girl, look like me, but don't take my hair.

men that cry??? some can definitely be devils.

lol at figure I. In my younger days, someone used a hardcover notebook to describe me in boarding school, that I was that straight front and back.

Come and tell me that now. Im enjoying eating the world and being as trim as if i gym.

yes o! let them drink raw eggs

Uzezi said...

and wiser i am today. but i dont regret the mistakes. they only taught me lessons.

i wish i kept contacts with some old friends.

lol @ darkelcee. big tummy in vogue.

rayo said...

happy birthday babe. u kno d one that struck me most, the one on being skinny. ur pix is gorgeous nd i'm skinny as hell too, plus not so tall. those names, jeez, to think ordinary 'lepa' used to bother me. lol. the one on the crying guy, really important.

OluwaDee said...

Happy belated bday deariee.
It was my bday on the 14th.

I also struggled with data structures in Uni.

Fast forward 12 years ago;
I wish I knew I dint have to pray everyday, go to church everyday, be in the choir, cover my hair... to be in Gods good books.

Standtall said...

I sure agree!
Hope u had a swell b'day

N.I.M.M.O said...

Happy birthday. Very belated I know. But then did I?

Of the things I wish I knew last week I wish I knew it would be your birthday on the 16th.

There. I said it.

Allied said...

@ Shubby Doo - Thank you very much! Lol, I was also called ‘bone ga fish’ now it just Lepa. I also wish I knew that ‘I had trusted my instincts more with my ex and made him stay away after i walked away… but I allowed love for being with him to turn into my fear of being forever without him’.

@Onyeka – Thanks, I did have fun. How are u doing?

@ 30+ - You are so right. Maturity does not come with age but with acceptance of responsibility.

@ Naijalines - Now I know the characteristics of a crying man. I will drum that into my daughter’s ears as early as possible (if I ever have one). Is it okay for me to say I miss the old u?

@ Bumight - Thanks Bumight but u know 5’9 is still short for a model. And I did save you a slice of my tiramisu cake. Oya open your mouth

@ LG – A big AMEN

@ Rita - Amen, thanks Rita

@ Sherri - LOL... I forgot egotamobus. My aunt use to call me that as well.


@ Darkelcee - Ahh, where did u come from? OMG, I have missed u on this blog oh. But I am happy u resurfaced on my Bday.LOL.. Big stomach bi ti bawo?

Allied said...

@ Naapali – Thanks Dr

@ Anonymous - it depends, I will say 5’9 is short for a guy cause I am almost that height but a 5’2 girl won’t think 5’9 is short for a guy

@Kafo - I like that “time is traffic: eventually we will all have to slow down and some point in time”

@ Smaragd – lol... trust me – u will laugh your worries off in the future.

@ Jaycee - Amen oh

@ Aloted - Amin

@ Simeone - Ahh, u are so RAZZ, but thanks 

@ AlooFar - I did very much, I am fine. U?

@ Uzezi - God do answer prayers... lol about ur baby’s hair. Any baby of mine that don’t have hair (because I do and lots of it too) or don’t like reading will be returned to the hospital. They had to have been switch at birth.

@ Rayo - Lol, Lepa does not bother me because in reality, it does not describe any object. But common “igbale” “letter I” that was too much jare.

Allied said...

@ OluwaDee - Awa omo October. I so like yours, you know how many times SUs told me that my relaxed hair will be the first thing to burn when I go to hell?

@ Standtall - Thanks, I sure did

@ N.I.M.M.O – U succeeded in making a dark looking Fulani girl like me blush and it showed. Lol... thanks.

Anonymous said...

from the way you replied my comment, it seems you only date tall guys 6' and above. Correct me if am wrong. What's you ideal guy physically and character wise


Allied said...

Anonymous/Dayo - Do I know you? Well, you are wrong; I actually haven’t dated a guy that is 6’ tall. Another thing I have noticed is that, the average height for a Nigerian guy is 5’9-5’10. I only say that height is short because the average height for the men in my family is 6’3-6’5. To your other question – is there really something called an “ideal guy”? Well not for me. He only exists in bollywood movies.

s.chic said...

Hope u enjoyed your day!!!

I would have to do a things i wish i knew post....putting it up here may be a little toooooo long!!!!

Aijay said...

Happy Birthday Allied!!!

I wish I knew so many things I know now. U're so right about people always having an opinion about everything. U just need to know who u r or else....

chichi from terc said...

Happy (belated) birthday allied!!
You're a stunning lady...physically, intellectually, total package na u biko! =)

Thank God for the wisdom He has imparted you in over the years, those life lessons are very true.

Anonymous said...

Toyin... u know

Wishing you the best of belated birthdays. You are the coolest and brightest asian drama watching paddi i have...hugs n kisses!!!

mizcynici said...

i could have sworn i alreadi left a comment.but i can relate with ur post. all the thing stht mattered to me then , tht even madem me cry are pointless now.

Anonymous said...

Ha, so we October(ians) abound in blogsville?

Hmmm, let's see......that you really can say NO and you won't be a bad person. Oops.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ......only you forgot (i assume) to say how old you are. *winks*

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Happy belated birthday!
It's funny...I've learned so many of the same lessons. Now raw eggs? Hell na. I'll stick with Pilates!

Shubby Doo said...

Thanks for checking up on me…

I just came via blogger and realised that you love veer zaara and kuch kuch hota hai…

wow… I have those flims on DVDs…

I’m loving Jodhaa Akbar @ the mo…b4 that it was Guru…b4 that it was Parineeta…and b4 that it was devdas…& b4 that it was dil chatha hai…& b4 that it was taal…and b4 that it was kabhi khusi kabhie gham.

in the 1980s it was Yeh Vaada Raha…got it on DVD as well

it all leads back to the fact that my parents had a video cassette of Amar Akbar Anthony @ home which I watched as a child… yes o I have it on DVD too! (plus i know the words to two of the songs!!!)

Did you ever see black with rani and amitabh?

Anonymous said...

Where art thou???

Allied said...

@ s.chic – Thanks, is sure did enjoy the day and the day after that and the day after that... lol, u get the gist.
@ Aijay – Thanks
@ chichi from terc - Lol, can u write that again? That I am a “stunning lady...physically, intellectually, total package” I am having a bad hair day today, so reading this is boasting my confidence.
@Anonymous/ Dayo/ Toyin – u don’t even know ur own name. LOL. Thanks, my TERC sister
@ Mizcynici – U are right, it is pointless
@ Rethots - Is that month a beautiful one? I am 16 for again! (Being that age a decade now)

@ NigerianDramaQueen - Lol. Don’t knock it until u have tried it... raw eggs works... seriously 

@ Shubby Doo - I am a bollywood junkie and I have about 100 bollywood movies – Kuch Kuch Hota hai and Kabhi Khusi Kabhie Gham are classics – let me not forget sholay and Don.

I saw Black - Rani was excellent but I knew the story line, so I was not that intrigued – also too much English.

You should see “U, Me aur Hum” (U, me and us). Kajol and Ajay Devgan (they are married in real life) also u have to see Guru – Abhishek (Amitabh’s son) and Aishwarya (Of course another cute couple)
@ Rethots - I am here my fellow Month mate

Smaragd said...

I just read at Shubby's that u love indian movies, i was so excited that i replied to ur comment in CAPS!

Queen of My Castle said...

I'm late!!!!

Happy Birthday Ms. Libra!

Your bday is one day after my little man's.

This was a great list, and no...a crying man does NOT equal a sensitive man. Ask me how I know. LOL

Shubby Doo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shubby Doo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shubby Doo said...

@allied - you should watch:
khabi khabie
- those are real age old classics 2

@smaragd - & allied are more than welcome @ mine to watch bollywood flims if you're ever in england!!!

ablackjamesbond said...

Miss Allied...happy belated birthday.

Hope u had fun as onyeka advised.

Allied said...

@ Smaragd - Lol, another bollywood chic. I think I am leaving the bollywood scene little by little. I am getting into Anime and Manga right now. Like my friends tell me “Allied, u are so gone”

@ Queen of My Castle - Late is better than never. Thanks,

@ Shubby Doo – I saw all those movies. I hate that they did not try to age Amitabh well in Khabhie Khabhie. I will also take u up on your offer to watch bollywood oh. Have you ever seen them at the movies? Lol, the first movie I was bold enough to go see in Movies was Mein hoon na. Men, those Indians were just starring at me, but I went with another Indian sha!

@ablackjamesbond – I did. Thank you

Shubby Doo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shubby Doo said...

lol..i went by myself to watch the time it started i didn't care that i was the only black person there!

Manga & Anime chat for another time i guess!

Adekunle Shobowale said...

Happy Birthday Sweets.

Anonymous said...

I know that's right about crying men! Many men will cry because they know you will think they are sensitive and then they can take more advantage of you... especially if they don't seem the type to cry...

personal investing said...

Wow reading this post just shows how wiser and mature you are. Indeed what you've said are what the reality is all about.