What is she smoking?

See me see trouble ooooooooooo

I woke up this morning to blinking lights … I looked towards my window still and there sat my laptop. Kilode? For some reason, the machine did not go into sleep mode. I looked at it closely and I saw someone had sent me numerous IMs. All saying “husband snatcher - leave my husband alone”

Okay oooooooo…. What is this nonsense? Tani eni to ni ise se ? (who is jobless person?)

I sha got up – I kuku have mortgage, car insurance and the whole lots to pay, so I cant afford to luxuriate in bed or reply to this crazy Ims… so I got ready for work.

I got to work and did my routine of prioritized items… made my coffee, checked emails, and checked my Oga’s calendar so I can know when to goof of during the day… As I did this, did that, I got another IM – the screen name I could not recognize. It said

Olatilewa: Good morning husband snatcher.

Me: emmm I reject that - Please who is this? O se aro (it’s too early for this)

Olatilewa: Please I know I im u so much last night, but I am begging you, please leave my husband for me.

Abi nnkan she girl yi ke ?(Is something wrong with this girl?)

Me: Please whoever this is should stop; I have a lot to do this morning…

Olatilewa: U have broken my home and u have the nerves to tell me, you have a lot to do… Ashewo oshi

Ahh… Egba mi... Is this for real?

Me: seriously who is this? Are u serious? Who the heck is ur husband?

Olatilewa: So… u steal husbands in bunch, you don’t even know who you are f***ing anymore…

Okay – at this point – I thought this is not a prank – this girl seriously think I have something with her husband. But I am sure it’s a case of mistaken identity.

Me: Olatilewa or whoever u are... I am not sleeping with anyone and the person I am dating is not even Nigerian, so I don’t know what you are talking about. And by the way what is ur husband’s name – just curious?

I don’t know why I gave her all this information – it’s not her business anyway, but I had to let her know, she is talking to the wrong person. I shouldn’t have even asked what her husband name was … but I did. For some reason this implicated me more.

Olatilewa: please don’t give me some sorry story – I know for a fact that he chats and calls you every night.

Me: say what!

Olatilewa: I am begging you… if you don’t want the whole of London to come down on you, you better leave him alone and go find your own man

Me: London? I don’t even live in London

Olatilewa: U don’t? How come u guys chat every night?

(eyeroll) Gosh! Did she really type that?

Me: what is your husband’s name?

Olatilewa: Seye (* name change)

Me: Seye? What is his last name – I know a couple of Seyes in London

Olatilewa: Seye Last name

Me: oh… Tilewa, it’s me. Allied. Remember I came to your house 2 weeks ago when I was in London? I came with Aunty Bose (*name change) your husband’s sister. I am the girl that is helping your husband with the Bank statement.

Olatilewa: U are a liar – you came into my house with the pretense of helping him, but I know your true agenda. Both of you pretended as if you don’t know each other... now you are so acquainted.

Me: Olatilewa, please give me my respect... I am not seeing your husband nor do I intend to. Also I do not chat with your husband every night. He had my screen name because I cannot pick up his calls due to the time difference. I told him if he has any question regarding bank statements– he should just send me IM. Your husband may have been chatting at night, but I assure you that it not with me.

Olatilewa: I am just warning you, LEAVE MY HUSBAND ALONE

Olatilewa has signed out!

See me see trouble… how do I sort out this problem now…?


To be cont.